-ash-

Mon, 16 May 2005 01:29:49 GMT

What a wierd weekend...
I don't really even remember what we did on Friday night (probably b/c it was boring or something? idk) Saturday, Linds, Jill and I went to the beach for about an hour then went to Moes and then went back to my house and fell asleep around the pool (topless) for about an hour- jill floating around the pool on an air mattress and linds and i right on the cement deck.. it was quite comfy though. Saturday night was pretty fun.. dinner, then jill lost her "never-been-to-the-pier" virginity, then Mikes then crashed at lindsays. Sunday was another lazy day laying around my house/yard/driveway & washing cars.... It was definately a long weekend though....

saturday night was definately a new thing for me, and it felt/feels really wierd. what happened to the control i used to have?

Mon, 09 May 2005 23:49:40 GMT

So so so bored...

Mon, 02 May 2005 23:33:26 GMT

ahhh life is so exhausting- puts me in a bad mood.. but corp made me realize today how much i have and that i shouldnt be complaining. some people have it so rough but their still happy- i feel bad, but at the same time those are the people that i look up to and admire. hhmmm

anyway im done with my little "be a better person" lecture and i have one more thing to say: sister hazel SOON. (kinda.) and its the one thing that im looking forward to so much (along with summer in general). i can not wait... i just miss ken way too much. : ) oooh so happy!

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 18:18:00 GMT

This is a story. A very melodramatic story about a montage of an enormous school of purple, man-eating, pink polka dot bikini-wearing goldfish. One "family-night" in SanFranFISHco, CaliFINia, all of the goldfish were sitting around their underwater fire telling stories. Grandfather Fish told the myth of the three Arabian, daquari-drinking men who rode their 3-humped camels with green tennis shoes to the ocean and dried it up because they were so thirsty. Immediately picturing this horrific image in their little fish brains, they phoned their sea horse friend, Humanist Jack the pilot, and asked him to fly them on his underwater paper jet-plane to Arabia so that they could invect the ocean-drinking camels. In reality, however, this story has nothing to do with purple goldfish or Arabian men drinking daquaries. That was just a metaphor for the secret legend of the Temple of Harangue, which is known for the many forceful sermons, lectures, and tirades performed within its massive walls covered in ancient maxims. The inference of this story is: PLEASE... don't do drugs. : )

ohh so many laughs with jesse and jill today

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 11:16:16 GMT

jesse snores. the house beeps. im cold. its 7:00 in the morning. ahh im tired.

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 16:58:33 GMT

i had so much fun last night : ) i didnt really want to go that much at first but im really glad i did. jill and i were def. a huge walking advertisement for about two hours walking around the track (almost took about 5 people out with our huge poster), dancing was amazing, and luckily after melissa made both of the vball nets fall down, the people put them back up and still had the tourny... because: CHAMPS of midnight glow-in-the-dark volleyball tournament= Ash Jill Matt Payton Michelle Katya/Ferny/Jade. YEAHHHH!! and then i jsut passed out when i got home at about 4. was a good night..

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 15:11:31 GMT

Cant wait for this week to be over. For some reason its just been really stressful and crazy. I just have to get through today and I'll feel so much better....

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 02:42:08 GMT

alright so im officially REALLY bored. and a loser... i know i know

+ Known as: ashley, ash
+ Lives in: Naples
+ Birthday: yesterday!
+ School: BC
+ Religion: catholic
+ Shoe size: 9
+ Hair color: brown
+ Eye color: brown

* section 2 - have you ever... *

+ Cheated on someone?: nope
+ Been Cheated on?: hmm.. kinda..
+ Fallen off the bed?: ooh yes
+ Broken someone’s heart?: im not sure. i think so
+ Had your heart broken?: not really
+ Had a dream come true?: yeah
+ Done something you regret?: i dont really have regrets
+ Cheated on a test?: maybe

* section 3 - currently *

+ Wearing?: very old jeans, tank top, and hoodie
+ Listening to?: the keyboard and dylans annoying IM sound : )

+ Located?: uum the kitchen-ish room
+ Chatting with?: dylanio
+ Watching?: the computer screen
+ Should REALLY be doing?: homework/sleeping

* section 4 - do you... *

+ Brush your teeth?: si
+ Have any piercings?: ears.
+ Drive?: yeah
+ Drink?: not excessively. ambers a bad influence : )
+ Smoke?: def. not
+ Got a cell?: yep

* section 5 - the last person you... *

+ Hugged?: dyl
+ Kissed?: dyl
+ IMed?: dyl
+ Talked on the phone: kels
+ Yelled at?: probably some old person out my car window

* section 6 - personal *

+ What do you want to be when you finish college?: dont have a clue
+ What has been the best day of your life?: wow hard question
+ What comes first in your life?: family/friends
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: mmhm
+ What are you most scared of?: tomatoes
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: lately its really wierd things..
+ Did you lose someone you really loved?: yes
+ How many times have you fallen in love?: dont know
+ Love your friends?: more than theyll ever know

* section 7 - favorite *

+ Movie: gosh another hard question
+ Song: anything by sister hazel.
+ Store: target, forever 21
+ Relative: dumb question
+ Sport: volleyball
+ Ice Cream Flavor: mint choc. chip
+ Fruit: maybe pineapple. but maybe not.
+ Candy: something sour
+ Day of the Week: thursday
+ Time: nap time!
+ Color: orange
+ Name for a Girl: i like rylie but i dont know about a favorite..
+ Name for a Boy: caleb

* section 8 - do you *

+ Like to give hugs?: uh yeah sure
+ Like to give kisses?: yes
+ Like to walk in the rain?: fuuun
+ Prefer black or blue pens?: depends on the mood. blue i guess

+ Like to travel?: just not for long periods of time
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: usually stomach
+ Have a goldfish?: nope but today i got to name mr. miranda's- i named him gus gus
+ Ever have the falling dream?: yep sucks
+ Have stuffed animals?: not as many as i used to

* section 9 - what do you think about... *

+ Abortion: understandable under circumstances
+ Suicide: dont like to think about it
+ Smoking: unattractive
+ Eating disorders: sad that people will screw themselves up for that crap
+ Summer: cant wait for it
+ Tattoos: usually look trashy
+ Piercings: cute/cool unless you get carried away

* section 10 - this or that *

+ Pierced nose or tongue : nose (only a tiny one though)
+ Single or taken?: taken
+ MTV or BET?: mtv
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: dawsons creek
+ Sugar or salt?: sugar
+ Silver or gold?: silver
+ Chocolate or flowers?: flowers
+ Color or Black-and-white photos?: black and white.
+ M&Ms or Skittles?: peanut m&ms
+ Stay up late or sleep in?: both
+ Hot or cold?: hot
+ Mustard or ketchup?: ketchup
+ Spring or Fall?: spring
+ Happy or sad?: happy
+ Wonder or amazement?: im in a wonder mood
+ Mexican or Italian: italian
+ Candy or Soda?: soda
+ Pepsi or Coke?: coke

* section 1O - can you ? *

+ can you dance salsa and booty?: never tried salsa...
+ can you swim?: yeah
+ can you sing?: good? no. to amuse myself? yes.
+ can you kiss?: yess
+ can you ride a bike?: havent in awhile but yeah

im done i swear

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 03:31:37 GMT

whats with the headaches?

i always wonder what it would be like if when i was in 5th or 6th grade i was shown what my life is like now- how much some things have changed and how much some things are the same... how much I have changed... what would i think?? would i be afraid to get to this point? it seems like things were so much better and easier back then. then again maybe nothing was really easier at all. i think i cared a lot more back then. ..... sometimes it feels so good to just not care.

why am i thinking so much lately? little wierd thoughts just keep poppin up into my mind. its odd. oh well.

YUM- DaRuMa on wednesday!

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 01:19:15 GMT

So I really haven't written in awhile... mainly because I really haven't had anything interesting to write about. And basically I still don't have anything very amusing. But I just realized something about myself. Actually I think in a way my brain is working like Jill's right now- analyzing and thinking and rethinking and analyzing a little more (i <3 you jillie!) Anyway, heres my thoughts for the moment:

For some reason I almost always look for the best in people and hold that to be true. I honestly have a hard time looking at somebody and beleiving anything negative about them. Actually its mostly about trust... I always put so much trust into people- even when its people that I have no reason to trust or people that don't deserve my trust at all. I always just make myself think that I have no reason not to trust them, and then I feel like I just have to believe them. Then they will go do some asshole thing to prove that I should have never trusted them in the first place, and what do I do? I start making excuses for them, forgive, forget, and move on. I never actually recognize that they might possibly have some messed up qualities about them- I just make excuses. I realized that I think thats just how my mind works. Maybe its just my way of protecting myself from getting hurt again... because there was no person more capable of breaking my heart and completely destroying my ability to honestly have trust in people than you. ..... I guess that if not facing reality is what I have to do in order to keep going strong and not getting hurt, then so be it. Because I wouldn't change anything in order to feel that pain again and I can't see any way in which reality has the advantage over fantasy. Call me crazy, but I think I'm just gonna keep living in my own little fantasy world.

Now that I've bored you to death, I'm gonna go bore myself to death and do some homework ... <3

still a little bit of your taste in my mouth, still a little bit of you laced with my doubt, still a little hard to say whats going on. still a little bit of your ghost your witness, still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed, you step a little closer each day, still I can't say whats going on. STONES TAUGHT ME TO FLY, LOVE TAUGHT ME TO LIE, LIFE TAUGHT ME TO DIE, SO ITS NOT HARD TO FALL WHEN YOU FLOAT LIKE A CANNONBALL. still a little bit of your song in my ear, still a little bit of your words i long to hear, you step a little closer to me, so close that i cant see whats going on. STONES TAUGHT ME TO FLY, LOVE TAUGHT ME TO CRY, SO COME ON COURAGE- TEACH ME TO BE SHY, CAUSE ITS NOT HARD TO FALL, AND I DONT WANNA SCARE HER, ITS NOT HARD TO FALL, AND I DONT WANNA LOSE, ITS NOT HARD TO GROW WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU JUST DONT KNOW.

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 23:46:29 GMT

i realized that i think the one thing i hate the most is seeing people that i love going through a shitty time and not really being able to do anything to control it. but i guess getting hurt is just a part of growing up. i just hope i dont have to go through that any time soon. im really happy... everything feels right. you make me smile and i have more trust in you than ive ever had in anybody ive been with. i really hope you know that.

moms words last week: "i dont see how you could possibly be keeping your grades up considering how much you have been going out lately"

dads words today: "youve had some really bad ideas lately"

.... okay so maybe im slacking a little but its not like thats anything new for me. no, my grades arent slipping at all and im really not getting into trouble.. i just feel like school is a really big waste of my time and that there are so many other things to be focused on. i think im wrong with this one though. oh well ill just suck it up.

the weekend was amazing. i had fun : ) hot tub hopping again next weekend anybody?!? ahh i love you guys. we'll have to make a few more stops next time though.

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 07:36:32 GMT

aww :)
And I'm still awake because...?

"Show me where the sun comes through the sky"

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 03:58:53 GMT

weekend of my life. :) absolutely amazing. things are good..

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 16:50:42 GMT

Im SO SO SO happy that this week is over and its finally the weekend. Yesterday kinda sucked- I was exhausted from going to sleep at 2:00 Thursday night and I couldn't wait to get school, volunteer and work over with. But then after work I found out that hal got in a pretty bad car accident in the morning and my mom had been with him in the hospital all day... so I went home and took care of dinner for the kiddies. Then FINALLY I got to hang out with dylan, linds, and billy which made me feel tons better. Now I'm just waiting for jill to pick me up so we can head off to ft. lauderdale. should be fun... shopping.. beach.. who knows what else. I hope next week is a little less crazy feeling than this week. i think i might be getting sick- i need to work on getting more sleep.
you make me smile :)

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 06:34:05 GMT

Okay so its 12:50 and I'm not sleeping why? I think I'm getting sick, and thats one of the reasons... I have not been getting enough sleep at all. My schedule during the week kind of sucks right now- school, volunteer, work/SAT prep. I don't get home until 5:30-7:00 everyday, which I guess isn't that late.. but I just feel completely drained when I get home. And then for some reason when I finally finish my homework and whatever I have to do I can't get myself to go to sleep. I just want to get tomorrow OVER with, and for the weekend to come. Don't know why I'm stressing myself out so much. Its amazing how lazy I get during the 2nd semester of school.. I haven't been doing half the shit I should be. Ohh well I'm pretty sure its gonna stay that way and theres nothing that anybody can do about it.

Okay. I'm done venting/whining/complaining.
The weekend is definately something to look forward to- tomorrow night with Linds Billy D and Dylan, saturday and sunday in Ft. Lauderdale with Jillie.

I just had a funny conversation with Amber, who's ridiculously drunk b/c my dad bought her a bottle of Skyy Vodka and they went and got drunk together tonight. I <3 my sisters... theyre funny :( sorry Aly. Forget him- he's just a dumb boy.

Well I'm off to sleeep... maybe...

"Lend me your ear, and I'll tell you about the things I fear. Open your heart, and I'll tell you why I'm torn apart. Lend me your car, and we'll go chase down a falling star. Give me your hand, because it takes that fire to understand... " -S.H.

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 23:10:08 GMT

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 20:32:35 GMT

asshole. i swear thers just something about that name. never again. lol hahaha what is it??

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 21:01:26 GMT

I hate the fact that she has been so upset for so long, but I feel like theres nothing I can do to make any of it better. Hang in there... I love you and you'll be okay, I promise.

Last night was a lot of fun. I'm glad it happened and hopefully it all goes good from here.

Tuesday is Amber's Birthday... I just sent her a card. It kinda sucks that I'm not going to be with her on her birthday this year. I miss her..

Sleepover with the girls tonight? I hope sooo! I love being with them we always have fun. Jill and I decided we're gonna dress up and have a photo shoot. Yessss! We went to Cache and tried on prom dresses today because we had nothing better to do. It was fun, the dresses were pretty. I think I'm gonna try to find an orange dress. = )

Yuck. Cramps.

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 15:47:50 GMT

I hope Linds, Jess, Melis, and Meg are KICKING ASS this weekend! = ) And I hope Jill is having an amazing time in Tampa with Chris. Amber's hooooome!! And she brought Nicole with her so I've been hanging out with them a lot this weekend... I'm glad they're down for a few days, its fun having them here. Why is the weather so gross this weekend? I really really would like to go to the beach but no..

I have nada to do during the day today... So if you want to hang out call me... I'm sure I'll be bored to death...

IM SO SO EXCITED FOR SISTER HAZEL. IT IS GOING TO BE AMAZING AND WE ARE GOING TO GET AS CLOSE TO THE STAGE AS POSSIBLE AND THEN AFTER THE CONCERT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THEIR BABIES... IT WILL BE THE TIME OF MY LIFE. END OF STORY.

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 22:38:04 GMT

i just love when absolutely nothing exciting is going on in my life...

.take me to sunrise from indigo.

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 01:50:10 GMT

<--- New Picture- woop woop! Ah, my favorite! Feb. 5, Sister Hazel w/ Graham Colton. Its a must. OH yes. Kenny (middle picture) = love of my life.

"I feel better when I paint my days with purple seas and left out grays. Strange its just a different point of view. Tell me what it is about me... where did everybody go without me? So, I like to fantasize, and watch the sunrise like its a big surprise. Life moved and I stopped to taste it; I drank it up til it left me wasted. But my rains have bled a softer red... Oh you should see the world inside my head."

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 20:16:55 GMT

And I'm changin' swore I'd never compromise
Oh but you convinced me otherwise
I'll do anything you please

You see in all my life I've never found
What I couldn't resist what I couldn't turn down
I could walk away from anyone I ever knew
But I can't walk away from you

School sucks. I really don't want to be back. Oh but I am...

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 18:23:28 GMT

Wish I could be with a certain somebody for New Years... too bad it won't happen. Its still going to be a fun night though! At least I'm hoping it will. I'm ssooo excited for tomorrow. I'm excited to get away from everything and have an amazing two days with my favorite girlies. And my favorite boys- sister hazel!

How does this happen?? I really dont understand? I wish it would all make sense, but the more I think about it, the more confusing it is. So I've decided not to think about it and to just go with it. Thats what I'm best at anyways :)

Really happy I get to see Britt tonight. Its been too long... I haven't seen her since she left for New Jersey which really isn't cool. I'm hoping Linds will be with us for at least part of the night. If not, I understand, but it would be the first New Years that the 5 aren't together. That would be sad...

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 23:44:42 GMT

I really miss all of my lunch table girlies.. and boys.. hopefully I will get to hang out with them later tonight or tomorrow?! I definately haven't seen them as much as I wanted to over break so far. Maybe that'll change.

Last night was fun... Tim and I getting our party on in Kelsey's room while she was passed out with a blanket over her face and her dad asleep in his room... playing Life and "That Game" and War and talking/laughing about really random things. Gooood times. Had a bit of a headache when I woke up this morning though..

Sorry to everybody who is sick... GeT Better!

Busch Gardens was a lot of fun with the girls, Josh, Tim, and Jeff. The car ride up was definately the best part.. being squished in the back seat between Jill and Linds.. Who could ask for more? It was FREEZING though. I'm really excited for Sister Hazel/Universal. Its gonna be so much fun! Maybe even as fun as the last ride up to Orlando? .. No thats probably not possible. And we'll miss ya Allison :)

I was really really lazy today. I laid in bed and watched NYPD Blue, Law and Order, Lifetime, Real World, Road Rules, played the SIMS 2... and that just about sums up my whole day. Yuck. And now I'm about to go to my grandparents' house to visit with them and my aunt, uncle and cousins who are here from Alabama. Yay :-)

I think I need to start posting more shorter entries instead of waiting forever and posting everything all in one. I'll start to work on that.

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 01:14:18 GMT

gosh.